New Year but same feelings— this is what I’ve been hearing from people as the year begins. It’s hard when it feels like the same thing day in and day out, the weather is gloomy, COVID is surging, and we still can’t do the things we want when we want. I’m not going to tell you to be grateful. Gratitude is a wonderful tool and helpful mindset sometimes, but often nails-on-a-chalkboard when feeling overwhelmed and down.
The new year also brings the clichéd and tired idea of resolutions. So many things to change, start, or upend. Can we not? In a recent group, we discussed a shift in perspective: what can we STOP doing, what can we let go of? We don’t always have to start new things.
Read moreYou are not responsible for others’ feelings and behaviors. They are. We grow up believing we are responsible because others blame us for their pain. “It’s your fault I’m mad.” “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t feel this way.” “You made me mad/upset.” “You make me crazy.”
→ This makes you believe you are in control of others’ emotions, and you learn that you want to avoid the shame results from another’s blame like the plague. You learn to alter your actions to avoid making someone “mad,” and being perceived as a disappointment or an instigator.
Read moreGoal setting in general is tough, but lofty new year's goals are even tougher. They are a set up. A set up to: beat yourself up, land in your own swamp of disappointment and shame, and give you more evidence that you can't trust yourself.
Read moreWhat rules do you think you need to follow to fit in or belong? Many of us are terrified to break the societal rules we've soaked in like a sponge that say: you’re not allowed ask for what you need, be grateful for what you have. Be small, stay quiet, don’t disappoint or hurt anyone. Don’t get too big for your britches. Don’t rock the boat. Be available for everyone’s needs. Don’t ask questions, don’t be high maintenance, don’t be sensitive.
Read more Many agreed that they’re just over it--over the behaviors that go along with hustling, the yucky, slimy feelings that come when you know you're in the hustle, the energy drain and exhaustion.
Hustling to prove, perfect, please, placate, perform, and pretend to get approval and acceptance from others takes us out of a place of authenticity, or who we really want to be when we’re aligned with our values. The hustle is exhausting, and what’s even worse, it doesn’t even produce happiness, fulfillment, joy, or connection.
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